Thou Shalt Not Shush

As the years pass, I find that more and more things infuriate me, almost to the point of homicide....almost. Tonight, I discovered something else to add to the list: being shushed.

So let me first explain the situation: I've been at my Dad's house for the past few days doing some work painting on some new additions to the house, 'cause let's face it, I need the money. Anyway, tonight, nobody was busy or had anything to do so we decided to spend some family time together....watching American Idol (Great). Now, anybody who knows me knows that I would never watch AI without some sort of motivation - be it family time or a hot piece of ass - and it was even Rolling Stones night apparently, so agreed to put up with, and keep and open mind about this fucking retard-brain mush some people call "compelling television" for the sake of family time. So like, about 3 minutes in, I'm already about ready to blow my brains out, but instead of saying, "Fuck this" and leaving the room, I decide to let my frustration out by making a few sarcastic (albeit hilarious) comments about the singers and judges. Now, I honestly thought these musings would be greeted with laughter and pats on the back, but shit, was I wrong. The only thing that happened was something both unexpected and terrible at the same time; I was shushed.

Like, seriously people... I'm almost 21 years old and you still feel the need to go "SSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" to me? Oh, sorry I made a snide comment about how Randy Jackson says "Dawg" all the time while you were diddling yourself to Ryan Seacrest on American Idol. Fucking get over it. The fact that you feel the need to shush me, especially after I'm already done with my comment, is completely unnecessary and, in reality, only makes you look like an fucking idiot.

Listen, I'm really sorry that I'm not entertained by the same old spoon-fed bullshit you see on Season Whatever of American Idol, especially since IT'S THE SAME FUCKING SHOW EVERYBODY'S BEEN WATCHING FOR 9 YEARS. Nothing's changed except for the fact that one incompetent judge has been replaced by a dumbass and a stuttering lesbian... not really an improvement.

But before this rant about being shushed turns into a rant about how retarded American Idol is, let me get back to the point. The next time you feel the need to shush a fucking grown adult, just remember this: YOU'RE TALKING TO A FUCKING GROWN ADULT.

I understand that apparently I'm talking during something that you want to hear, but what I don't understand is why you can't just wait until I'm done speaking and then say, "Listen Brad, what this douchebag Ryan Seacrest is saying is really important to me, so could you please not make intelligent and let's face it, awesome, comments about how gay American Idol is while the show is on? Or if you can't control yourself (which I can, by the way. I just don't feel like it), can you please leave the room?"

I'd be more than happy to reply, "Well, despite the fact that you watch a show who's main demographic is screaming teeny boppers, I respect that you want to hear what this douchebag is saying, so I'd be more than happy to play some FreeCell on my laptop, effectively keeping me quiet, and keeping your "alone time" with your End-All, Be-All favorite TV show American BullShidol (TM) sacred and quiet.

Listen, all I'm saying is that shushing people is fucking rude, no matter what's going on. I don't care if I'm the black guy in the back of the theater going, "OH SHIT BITCH DON'T GO IN THERE, HE GON' GETCHU!", which I'll admit is really fucking annoying, shushing people only makes you look immature and unable to handle your problems like an adult. Shushing is what you do to your 6 and 9 year old kids when you're on a road trip and they're kicking each other in the back seat. Children are the only people I can think of whom I would consider appropriate to shush.

All you need to remember is; next time you feel the urge to shush somebody, make sure they are younger than 16, because otherwise, you're just asking for a big ol' fist in yo' face.

That's all. Good night.

The Great Educational System Failure

My head is an empty vacuum right now. I literally cannot think of anything to write.

Oh wait, here we go:

Yesterday I was asked three times what I wanted to "do" with my English degree. Now, this is not the first, nor will it be the last time I've heard this irritating and all around fucking retarded question. Well, here's the answer: I don't know, but probably nothing that has to do with English, so leave me the fuck alone.

What? Not what you wanted to hear? Sorry, let me rephrase that: "Oh, I'd just love to be a teacher and have to come into work everyday for about 10 bucks an hour and listen to stupid fucking snot-nosed brats talk while I'm trying to talk all day." Or would you prefer: "It'd be really great if I could be a writer and probably end up living on the streets and eating banana peels!"

Sure, it's harsh, but seriously... why do you care anyway? It's not like knowing what I want to do with my life is going to benefit your life, or what you're going to do with it in any way whatsoever.

So here's what asking this question really means:

Either, you're pretending to be interested in my life, but don't really care, or you are trying desperately to live vicariously through a younger, more interesting (and let's face it, more handsome) person than you are or will ever be.

Really people, let's be honest America: How many of you people hate your job? Hate your neighbors? Hate your country and it's politics? Hate your life even?

Yeah, that's what I thought. So excuse me if I don't feel like setting myself up for failure by shoving myself towards a specific vocation and thereby being forced to stick with a monotonous job where I would rather have my tongue nailed to a table (to quote George of the Jungle), than go on another minute doing bullshit just to sustain myself.

I mean, can't we be content with simply being alive? Why do I have to plan every detail of my life in advance? God has taken care of me thus far, and I see no reason for him to stop doing so. I'm a good person, I work hard, I have morals and values just like everybody else. The only difference is that I don't really give a flying fuck what I end up doing, as long as I'm happy.

I just want you to know that I am not interested in running this fucking rat race we call life. I have no desire nor motivation to work a 9 to 5 like all of you sorry-ass, depressed, run-down, no personality stiffs who ask me this question.

In retrospect, this rant seems really unorganized and out-there, but I got my point across and that's all I care about.

Screw it, I'm moving to Amsterdam.

For those of you who agree with me, I'd love to hear your thoughts on what true happiness is, and for those of you who disagree.... well I couldn't give a shit anyway so don't bug me with your comments.

Thought of the day: Morel Orel is way more depressing than it is funny. Think that over Adult Swim.